Why do I not celebrate New Years
You know.. I really have no idea why I am unable to celebrate New Year's Day with the
rest of the world. I feel like such a weakling sometimes.. especially when everyone starts
wishing me a happy new year. I know they are just wishing me good luck and good times
in the comming year.. but to me, it is a reminder that I am unable to do what the rest of the world can.
Sooo.. I like others am unable to celebrate the new year. I much prefer to spend the night sleeping.
I have tried and tried many differnt ways of celebrating.. Parties with friends.. home alone with Dick Clark
.. home alone with a good friend.. nothing.. If it is mentioned that the new year is upon us.. I am in
tears. So I fill the evening with things that can't remind me.. movies.. friends who know my
weakness.. sleep, and just ignore the whole thing.
Why am I not able to celebrate? hum.. good question. I spent most of my child hood with out
close friends. I spent many a year looking at Dick wondering if next year was going to
be any better.. if I would have anyone to share the next year with. Even after I did.. It still
didn't help.. so I don't really think that is it. So.. what else could it be? I never had anything
tramatic happen on the new year.. No exceptionally bad memories - that I can remember... so
I can only chalk this up to the fact that I hate change.
Well it isn't so much change I have a problem with.. it is giving up the old to get to the new.
I have moved a number of times since moving out of my parents house.. and each time
cleaning up the old house was sooo depressing, It left me in tears.
- cleaning didn't help.. giggle.. I am allergic to dust and the such. Well this is my only clue.
So.. when you see me around.. and you want to be sweet.. please do not wish me a happy
new year. A good day, or a good night.. or until we meet again.. but not those dreaded words.
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