The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and
alcohol packaging, such as:
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think
you are whispering when you are not.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor
in dancing like an asshole.
3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to
tell the same boring story over and over again until
your friends want to CRACK YOUR HEAD OPEN.
4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to
thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone
them at 4 in the morning.
6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering
what happened to your pants.
7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to
roll over in the morning and see something really scary
(whose species and or name you can't remember).
8. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause
of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
9. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion
that you are tougher, more handsome and smarter than
some really, really big guy named Chuck.
10. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe you are invisible.
11. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to
think people are laughing WITH you.
12. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux
in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes
large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.
13. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE
pregnancy.
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